Dear Always,

What would you say to me if you knew exactly what I was thinking?

I want the voices to stop. But now they’re back… and it’s my fault. I truly am the worst of the worst, aren’t I? Between the chronic illnesses and my horrible life decisions? Or maybe the thing that makes me so horrible is my lack of trust? My lack of feelings or my over-feeling. I either feel too much and I’m overemotional and overreact or I’m numb and feeling anything… well that’s a long shot. I’m too much and not enough at the same time? That’s a thing…

Right now I feel everything and then some. I’m terrified of speaking the truth, my truth because then it’ll be real and everything changes… again. But worse than with her. Some secrets can go to our graves, right? I don’t know. I don’t want you to save me. I just want to be understood and feel safe again…