To all the boy’s I “loved” before… (Inspired by the movie and Taylor Swift’s “All The Girls You Loved Before”) (The events in this post are real, names go unmentioned but this is my version.)
I can count all of you. I remember all your names. One of you introduced me to Alec Benjamin. Not all of you knew I loved you – some of you I never dated, and some of you I remember every single date that is associated with your name.
To be completely and brutally honest with you… the feelings I had with you guys a lot of the time – it wasn’t love. I saw something I could fix. I wanted to fix you and needed to heal you, give you what you were searching for so that I, myself wouldn’t feel the pain I was in. Which was wrong. I know that now. I learned that after it repeatably landed me in dangerous situations. Emotionally and mentally. It even drained the meaning from the words I said.
When I did fall, I fell secretly or too late…royally late. It all went to hell just like I knew it would. I smile looking back knowing it was just Karma getting her vengeance for you guys and who I was. Tears stream as I miss my best friend my “husband” Platonically of course because we tried and failed and then it was too late. I kick myself for those memories but those aren’t the ones that make sleeping impossible. This got really deep and truly confusing…
Anyways, love and loss, right? I’m guessing that 90% of you don’t remember me – just a fleeting thought. That’s my hope for you anyway. But if not – you don’t have to wonder if I think about you. This is your answer. I think about you nonstop. I hate the way I was, and I really do wish you peace and happiness.
Goodbye, boys.
Stormy Ville 
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