September : )

September 3, 2024

Dear Always,

Did you know that the start of my dream journals aka documenting the inspiration for this series and my book was in 2019? You probably wouldn’t lol. But it’s still funny to think about.

I just wanted to post something while I worked on the update post and the remastering of Appalachian Romance. To be honest with you I’ve been a bit bored in life, yet overwhelmed as so many changes are taking place.

It’s sometimes overwhelming to get so far in something and then fall back. Like the old saying a step forward and five backwards? I think that’s the saying anyway?

Every time I feel like I’m good and over it I get hit with it all over again. It feels stupid. I try to give myself the grace, use the skills that I’ve worked on since August of 2021. But it still feels like I’m going to slip under?

Change is scary and it’s hard. Healing is worse but worth it and I’m ready for it but at the same time I doubt myself more than anyone could. It’s been five years and this time of year still suffocates. Worse after 2020. I wish I wasn’t reminded. And the worst part is I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reclaim it as mine no matter how hard I try.

It’s like a stab to the heart. But I’m on the part where I have to put all those things I’ve learned to good use right? Talk about the scary things with myself? Admit the things that I’m most scared of? The monsters that linger in the darkest corners of my mind? Is it time to confront them? Or do I let them consume me?

To be honest with you, I’ve known them for a while. The monsters. I choose not to call them demons as I know my demons, crowned them as my friends, though you knew that? Ghosts are somewhat accurate to the description but I feel more as it’s the monsters under the bed and in the corner that isn’t lit that, scare me the most. That I want to avoid or need the lights on for…

I know them, just deny them.

Well, that’s what’s plaguing my mind as we enter September. Pray tell, what plagues yours? Best wishes,

XOXO Forever