A first (2026 Edit)

There’s always a first for everything, a first born, first steps, first word, first best friend, first car, first job, we could go on and on about the first’s. But I only truly want to talk about one first right now. I didn’t mention this specific one because I didn’t want assumptions made and then everything gets all tangled up and you don’t get to hear the story. That’s no fun. So here goes.

The first boyfriend (or girlfriend) they’re special to us all throughout our lives no matter the reason because they were the first. So today I am going to tell you about my first “boyfriend”. I won’t be using his name so I’ll refer to him as “JC” .

A little background is a bit necessary. I grew up in church and for most of that my parents were the ones running the church. A small country church, I’ve also been home schooled since third grade by choice, so the church was kinda my social life even though I’m low key antisocial and always have been. So we never really had many kids that came to the church that were my age and at the time I hadn’t been attending due to some unexplained health problems that we now know are due to my autonomic system being a bit of a drama queen as I like to say. That’s a bit off subject but anyways it all ties in because my best friend who was living with me at the time and still attending the services had been keeping me informed on all the tea. She told me about this family who had been there a few times with a few kids, but what really caught my attention for a moment was she mentioned that the older daughter and son looked to be around our age maybe a bit older or slightly younger. I was like “Oh, okay cool. No big dealleo.” One Wednesday I was feeling a bit better and decided to go to the bible study or whatever we had that night. To be honest this was back in 2016. So anyways again back to the story. I went and I remember sitting in the circle set up by the wood stove, sitting next to my best friend/platonic soulmate and we were being typical teenage girls talking about dumb stuff drawling in our notebooks and discussing our upcoming birthdays, stuff like that when JC and his dad walk in, they sat across from us if I remember correctly and I remember calling an emergency bathroom trip with my girl and asking if that was him and she was duh. We went back to our seats and continued on with the night. I believe it was that Sunday that we were introduced.

Now hang in there, I know it’s boring and awkward right now but trust me this next part will have you dying of laughter.

A few awkward Sunday’s and Wednesday’s later. The Wednesday before my 13th birthday the adults were having a discussion and us kids were outside playing Red Rover. Now this was my first time playing the game, plus I’m socially awkward and then to top it off I was nervous and stressed because of school and other things. And just for the record I feel terrible about this, but JC still asked me out 2 days after my 13th birthday. So back to the story AGAIN sorry guys a bit of a mess my brain is.

RED ROVER is my enemy. We were playing red rover and I believe it was JC and his sisters against me and my girl, we may have had one of his sisters on our team but i don’t really remember but I know for a fact he was on the opposite team because I remember this next bit like it was yesterday.

Red rover, red rover, send JC over? Why my darling? Why did you ask for him? No, I didn’t if that’s what you are thinking, my best friend did. And here’s the destruction that followed.

• JC runs over

• My 12 year old self panics and pulls my arm back just enough…..

• I PUNCHED JC IN THE FACE AND CLOTHES LINED HIM KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND CAUSING A NOSE BLEED

• Que the heart broken and terrified me starting to cry while laughing

And yet still somehow he thinks it royal to ask me to be his girlfriend 2 days after my birthday whilst we are texting, I was sitting by a lake taking in the ever so glorious nature and I remember talking a bunch of crap trying to get out of it because I was scared but also thrilled. I was charmed and extremely charmed when he wanted to talk to my Dad about it. My parents approval has always been important to me but also I don’t let it the want of it consume me but at the time I had never had a boyfriend, and it had also never really been a thing on my mind either so I went to my mom first as I was with her. Well technically I went to my Soul-sister first then my mom. Then when we got home my mother was on the phone with JC’s mom and instead of easing dad into me being asked out like we had discussed she dropped the bomb. On accident. My dad is a very special man. If you are reading this dad you know it’s true so don’t deny it. He’s the kinda guy that if he isn’t raising hell then there’s something wrong.

The next day was Sunday April 10th 2016, we only had one service that day because of a business meeting. The kids had the option to stay in and be bored basically (well usually I stayed because I like being educated though if you aren’t a member you can’t vote, and you can’t become a member until you’re 18) or you could go to a small playground sort of area and hang out. I chose to go hang out with JC and my SS, we talked more about our favorite things and such then the meeting was over and we went inside the sanctuary. Instantly my dad starts going for it “You call it pop or soda?” (His favorite to ask guys I like I now know) The questions of silly things continue all the way over to where we were having lunch and then he gets serious for a moment and says something along the lines of if you treat her right were all good. Then the adults continue talking and JC hands me a bracelet he made me. Blue and red with a smiley. I still have it.

I honestly wish I could say this story had a happy ending like we were still best friends or still together or something like that, but that isn’t how it goes. JC and I broke up about three days before the 1 month dating anniversary. We still kinda talked here and there but we’ve both grown up. I for one am a COMPLETELY different person from the girl I was when I met/dated JC. Though JC impacted my life in so many ways, when I think back to that time in my life, he was a very important part. Each guy I have “dated” has made an impact on me as a person. Some good and some bad, but that is life. And the bracelet JC made me is one of my most treasured possessions. To some it may just be a dumb piece of garbage but to me it’s the symbol of something… I don’t know nostalgic? Hopeful? Memorable? Indescribable? Something money can’t buy. And words cannot express.

First of all – Damn my spelling and grammar was so fucking shit. I told you guys, I’m giving you them as they were then adding my thoughts and the perspective as an older more “mature” version of myself if you want to call it that. Anyway, let’s get into the perspective flip…

“JC” is not their name or anything to do with their name. *And the crowd goes wild* After ten years the secret is finally revealed. I chose JC because the person in the story loved John Cena – he was his favorite wrestler, and I had a crush on John Cena for a bit. So a sixteen year old me thought using JC would be cheeky and if the boy in question ever saw the posts he would also think it was cheeky and it would be our little ‘thing’, I don’t know I’m weird.

Also I lied. I’m not antisocial, not in the least bit. I love socializing. I’m just terrified of getting attached and then someone leaving. Falling, then they run. I’ve had a lot of kids in my life just ripped from my life growing up. Cousins raised like brothers just to never see or speak to them again. Shit was brutal and it wasn’t the only account of it. So I learned real quick you don’t get attached. I also don’t know why I said “most” when talking about my parents running the church in regards to my life. When it was the majority of my life that they ran the church, there was more time of me being “Pastor Joe’s Daughter” than just “Joe’s daughter”. I also withheld – and this is a big one. I withheld that originally I full heartedly believed that JC was a girl – no shade I was totally into them either way. Honestly I woulda fell harder for girl JC. Shit that’s mean…I’m sorry bro if you ever stumble across this just know you were amazing either way. Your personality was the true charmer. For real. You were a sweetheart.

And…She never played red rover again.

She is me. I never played red rover again. That game fucked me up. I got in so much trouble over that too because my dad assumed I hit him on purpose. What the fuck man? I’m mean but not that mean? Ten years later and I’m still scarred from that night man.

I still don’t know what he saw in me. But I’m glad he saw it. I just hope I never dragged him into the pits of tartras with me. It was kinda cute how much I craved approval from my parents and everyone around me but a bit of a red flag too.

Anyways, I do still have that bracelet. Though now a memorial of the girl that once was. He and I don’t know each other any more, I’m friends with his sister on facebook but we don’t talk. I think about how things could have been sometimes, when I see that church. But I’d rather leave the past buried. Maybe we coulda been friends if I would have been made aware of some of the shit no one told me. But the past is the past right? Except when it still burns you.

I do hope he and his family are okay. I think about how he was the last good thing before the illusion fell. But then I remember the other glimmers. But he was the last piece of childhood innocence. I guess that’s why I always fall back on the memory so hard. It’s not him, but the girl he knew. The me that he got a chance to be friends with. How he was kind to her, when I was cruel to her. I think that’s the true sentiment.

Well, that took an unexpected serious turn. Okay, I think this post is finished. I’ll catch you on the next one ❤