Versions of ourselves.

Paralyzed by fear – struggling to breathe… You are my only hope

March 12,2026

Dear always,

This is a note I jotted down in my notes a while back. I think about it often. It was in December of 2024. Ironically Christmas eve. The reason? I was losing my grip, sinking into the abyss. Holding onto something that I knew wasn’t real all to keep from admitting to myself what happened. The words have double meaning, you and the thing they were originally meant for. Or rather the “person” it was meant for.

March is a month full of memories. Some bad some good. Isn’t every month filled with memories? But that’s besides the point. The grounding of everything? I forget where I was going with this. I’m so tired of my brain right now.

How I’m over analyzing every interaction I ever had. How I calculate every movement I made and make? I know it had a hand in making me who I am but still it bothers me.

Anyway to put a brighter spin on our letter, I feel like the woman you’ll meet will be the most accurate depiction of who I am. I hope you feel the same about yourself. We’re something of mythical creatures in each other’s minds at the moment, or that’s what I like to think? That the woman you dream of is the one I’m working towards the same woman I dream of becoming – not just because I see her with you but because she’s who I’ve always longed to be. And the man I dream of? Well he’s the man you’ve always wanted to be, and you never stop working to become.

We see the best versions of ourselves with the partner we want. We don’t stop until we are that version of ourselves. For me it’s never just been about you. You were just the gateway to seeing who I really wanted? I wanted me. I wanted safety and security. I found that within. I’m still finding it. I’m still finding how to give that younger version of myself everything she would have needed.

A calm and communicative person. A loving and caring person to always stand by her. Someone who believes her no matter what. Someone who protected her and fought for her. It’s why she still believes in true love because she fell in love with life… Again and again and again. Time and time and time again. Every time it feels like it’s over she managed to look deep within and find something small…so small but so significant.

Hope.

Xoxo Forever