Hello loves! Welcome back to Stormy Ville! Quite the storm we have for today’s post too! But just real quickly in case you haven’t been here since the Madam Marie days, or if you were and just don’t recall (It’s okay I don’t remember when I took this section out, to be honest) anyways I had this section called “Hopeless Romantic” and basically it was all my love stories. Well, not basically that’s exactly what it was. Anyways it was a fuckin riot of a time! I shit-talked myself a lot and I kinda have a history of making people fall in love with me. All the posts are still here just not under that label. Trust me I fall too but uhm let’s just dive into the curse.

God I hate how fast I catch feels sometimes.

Here’s the thing I thought I was going to be able to make some sort of joke about me being cursed like I used to… Fuck I guess it’s to plan b. I’m sorry guy’s I really thought I was going to be able to make a joke about my life falling to pieces again but I really just can’t?

So instead…

It’s been a while since we’ve had a serious discussion on this blog… so let’s do it because this one has been burning my soul for way too long. So, take a seat, grab a snack, and get cozy!

This a controversial opinion something I don’t do that often but I have to let whoever might be crying in their room with a bottle of Shine feel that they’re the redheaded stepchild to our good lord up above…

Hi it’s me I’m the problem it’s me.
Anti Hero, Midnights, Taylor Swift; October 21,2022

If you don’t get that why are you here? 😂But uh that’s not the point! I’m here to tell you that you are far from alone! Why? How? What? Let’s get into it!

I’m (in my eyes) the biggest fuxk up ever! Like they say God never makes mistakes? I say I’m proof he does because what the actual freak?!? Where to begin? I have awful taste in men (and women) I fall too fast and too hard. People can use me and I choose to only see the good. I drive myself insane! Twenty, chronically ill, and I live at home and fight for my life daily and my dumb ass still wants to try and bring life into the world one day. With the CHANCE this could pass to them. Why would I do that?!?

What’s the controversial opinion, Hails? Well, love… It’s actually not that controversial, I was raised and taught this.

For those of you who don’t know I grew up the pastor’s daughter of a small-town church. I used to love church and never missed a service. Things happen and relationships change. And much like those… your relationship with God is the same. My mom and I were talking a few weeks ago about church. I haven’t been in a while. For a lot of reasons that aren’t a necessity to discuss but let’s just say that me and God? Well, I’m not as close to him as I used to be. And I struggle with that daily. My parents know that I’m not ready and they know why and we regularly discuss my beliefs and concerns and my reasons.

Anyway, this conversation was about a pastor they had been listening to and how he was similar to my dad when my dad pastored or something like that. Then we started discussing my anger because, at that particular moment, I felt rejected and punished.

The thing about the past ten years of my life is that a lot has happened with my health and mental health and even more so in the last four years, I slept and was bedridden the first two years of high school then I had an infection that I still deal with physical repercussions from that. All while dealing with family shit, getting out of an abusive relationship, and trying to be a person. I’m only pointing these out to say. I was numb for a while and now things are beginning to process and heal. Which means I’m feeling. Grieving.

And as per usual no filters and I let it all out to my mom (shout out to you Mom, thank you because it might not seem like I listen to your advice but I do) she told me that our relationship with God is like any other relationship. We’re supposed to get mad and argue. That’s how it works.

We are allowed to be angry. Read that again baby. You are allowed to be angry. But.

There is a but… we have to talk to him and this is where my logic for the past four years that had Royalty cringing- shout out to you man, I hope you’re doing well, I miss you. My logic is if/since he already knows everything in our minds anyway why not be completely brutally honest with him.

This also slightly comes from my mom, they used to make fun of her for calling God dude. But we were taught to talk to him like anyone else and again I probably take this to the next level… but if he knows it all anyways why censor.

I talk to him more than I ever have. A lot of it’s screaming and profanities and asking him why the fuck he seems to think I can handle all of the shit he throws my way. Granted I do handle it but still. When we found out that Bobo had cancer and I had to make the decision to put the most amazing dog down I cried for hours telling him how unfair he was.

The last time I walked into a church I swore it was going to burn down just because I was in there. My parents have always encouraged me and my brother to carve our own paths. My path? I know exactly where I belong but my biggest problem is that I have other beliefs tied into it because I don’t have a religion. I have God.

Examples of my other beliefs are as follows; My room has crystals everywhere, there’s a crystal in the refrigerator because it’s where it’s meant to be placed and my mom only asked if it was supposed to be there and then put it back. I have a prayer cloth that was a gift from a family friend, I wear a crystal pendant and I have a ring that symbolizes my relationship with God. See I believe God put these things here for a reason, I fully believe in the power of prayer and I believe there are things that exist that we don’t know about. I love looking into all the different cultures and their beliefs and their lore. I’m so fascinated by the creatures that could exist. The Wiccan community their history is so fascinating. Bro, Cryptozoology, and Demonology. I refuse to have a welcome sign anywhere on my property. No mirrors facing each other, don’t say certain names because you can attract them, knock on wood because you’re asking for the nature spirits. Cross your fingers and always make a wish at 11:11.

What I am trying to say is it’s okay if you don’t fit in the box. I don’t either. We’re not meant to. I don’t agree with everything that my parents raised me with. But they respect the woman I am today and they might not understand some of the things I do or why I do them but they support me. I know not everyone is that lucky or blessed. That’s the whole point of this fucking site. Honestly, when I made my first blog I made it because I felt so isolated and alone. My parents and I were so far away emotionally and honestly, I felt like I didn’t have a brother which that wasn’t his fault. Its always been the goal was to make one person feel less alienated. Even if I never know about it.

Hopefully, this post makes since I know it was a bit long. I love you guys and I hope you all have a lovely day or night whenever you read this and I’ll see you next week!