Texas Charm (2026 Edit)

So keeping with the theme of my love life (face palming right now). We’re going to talk about the “Texas charmer” who stole my heart for two years and never knew until it came up again pretty recently and well now sadly our roles have reversed. I feel for him. I honestly do.

Some context, we met sometime during 2016. I believe it was late June early July, maybe possibly August? Here’s the thing in 2012-2016 I had some unexplained health issues going on but we were seeing doctors and specialists A LOT and around those three months (June-August) we had gotten some answers. My mom had been given some support groups and had been talking to this one girls mom and they kinda set us up and I met Texas through the girl. They both had illnesses and we understood each other in ways healthy kids our age can’t really understand.

It wasn’t hard to tell that Texas was really REALLY into let’s call the girl North. So Texas and North had actually just met that day as well and we were all on a Skype voice call talking and getting to know each other. North was the oldest of the group and Texas the middle and myself the youngest. The more and more we got to know each other the more I became sort of an outcast in the group and about a month in they were now a couple and unfortunately my feelings had grown, because even though in the group I had become an outcast Texas and myself had bonded as friends as he and I had a little more in common. We were both the youngest child of our siblings and we kinda just related better to each other. It was hard to describe but I was just drawn to him.

About two or three months after they started dating he came to me for advice and I did the best I could do. I told him the honest to god truth about how I felt. I’m not talking about my feelings for him as during this time I was still working on deciphering what those feelings were, but the feelings of the situation. It hurt his feelings and we stopped talking for a bit, except for on holidays. During that time of us not talking I was very depressed and constantly thinking about him trying to figure out what those uncontrolled raging feelings were. That bit lasted about 2-3 months, we did this A LOT. Anyways, Texas messaged me and told me he was thinking of breaking up with North. This was around February of 2017. He and North had gotten into a fight and he came to me, again asking advice and he again wasn’t thrilled with what I had said but was happy that I had promised to stay and support him no matter his decision.

Okay so fast forward a month and we hadn’t talked since that night. Except the word document I sent to him expressing how much I cared about him as a friend but I wanted more. I understood he wanted her. I would never come between them and if she made him happy I was happy for him but when she was hurting him it was hurting me as he was one my best friends and I cared very much for him. Texas messages me. This time I knew exactly what those burning passions and everything I felt for him was now but now I was trying to deny it because it hurt too much. Texas sent me my letter, and asks me if I still feel that way. He says he’s about to break-up with North. He wants a “back-up” girlfriend though. Texas wants me to be his back up… He wants me to be a rebound.

My best friend stopped me. I almost agreed. “You are more than a backup!” I tried to defend it “Maybe thats not what he meant”. But to be honest anyway you spin it when your “Texas Charmer” asks you to be his backup after everything , sending your feelings back to you only to tell you when you ask if he actually likes you like that, that no. No I think you’re a sweet girl and I like you as a friend and I think maybe we could work? That stabs you in your heart. I remember not talking to him for the rest of the night then I asked my older brother for advice. I never do that. I needed one more unbiased opinion. His response was the one that broke me down and made me truly start the process of getting over Texas.

We stayed friends and only talked rarely and gamed together then about the end of 2017 and the start of 2018 we were on another break and things were quiet. I was still working on getting over him. It really wasn’t an easy process until I actually said what I felt. It was actually sometime in the summer of 2018 when I finally said it. We were swimming (myself and my best friend) and all of a sudden I stopped after my flip and looked at my sister and said “I love him. I don’t know how or why but I love him.” She asked who and I said Texas Charmer.

Fast forward to March 19, 2019. Texas out of the blue texted me. Part of me moving on had involved me deleting his number, deleting all of my socials from my phone that I was friends with him on. Not the accounts just the apps. I remembered his number though and instantly replied with “Texas?” and he said yeah and my dumb self fell back in the hole after a panic attack. Luckily I was sorta “with” someone at the time anyways so it was just old friends catching up, the slate wiped clean. We start talking a bit again and go back to our old ways of only going 2-3 months without talking.

Fast forward another few months, Texas again messages me randomly this time it was late at night and I was heartbroken dealing with something else, immediately I get defensive because he sends me the messages I sent him a while back. But then he sends “You were right”. With those words the sobs that were already happening got worse but because I appreciated it. I appreciated him. Always had. Always have. But never did I feel appreciated by him until that moment and that started to mend the us.

Fast forward to November of 2019. Um to put it lightly the guy I was sorta with in March kinda started a domino effect that wasn’t good. But that is another story. You have to know that because in November I had recently gotten out of a relationship in which again another story but it was a bit of a mess. In November Texas and I were talking again and he dropped the bomb. He had feelings for me now. We’ve known each other for 4 years now and are still best friends no doubt and no doubt you can feel the flames when we talk but it’s different. He told me and had to tell him that I just didn’t feel that way anymore. It hurt a lot. We still talk, I try to distance myself so that he won’t get hurt, but also I know loneliness sucks too. The thing is I do love Texas Charmer but not in the “I wanna marry you way”. It’s more of the platonic you were my first love and you taught me patience but you also taught me to respect myself and I am going to forever be grateful for it.

Present Day –

Okay, to be real with you all, this is going to be an edit of an edit. I technically wrote these notes for this post back in February. I opted not to post immediately so it didn’t seem targeted. But quite frankly. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m going to write what I want when I want. Let the chips fall where they may. So without further delay my thoughts on Texas Charm. A nice pallet cleanse from all the serious posts I’ve done lately. A goof about if you will, though it does have some serious points to make. 

My love life? Bitch please – you had no idea what a love life was. You had infatuation, crushes. Falling for a fantasy but nothing compared to what you felt for your best friend. Every cutesy codenamed person? They were blips to her, you’re a serial fantasizer. Though, I’ll admit, you were amazing at naming them, “Texas Charmer”, “Cassanova”, “C3” (I’ll admit that one wasn’t as creative but I still giggle.). I suppose we can add Carolina to the mix now. But that’s not what this post is about. Charmer really had me out here avoiding that whole damn state lol! He was my second earliest encounter with a player. All down hill from there babes. 

Dude, this little set up was wild. Truly. I still have anxiety when meeting people with health issues, because there was always a competition of whose life was worse. Like who had the worst symptoms and who had more prominent symptoms when we all had invisible illnesses. Every call. And that shit was awkward as fuck for me. Though now most of my closest friends also have health issues and our dynamics are nothing like that, (thankfully) we just support each other and trauma dump on each other sometimes. 

Also Skype?!? Dayumm son! I’m old. I actually really miss when skype was the main one. Like that shit was the best.

Why was I always the youngest? How? 

We were friends but it was all so surface level and we were all going through things kids should never have to go through. So I suppose I can’t really fault anyone, but at the same time, my heart aches for the younger me. Always a back up… the past is buried though. Also bro? If you ever read this shit? I hope you don’t ask women to be your back up plans. Or if you’re still doing that, I low key hope someone throws a drink in your face.