*Redacted*

Dear _____,

There was a point where I had a letter written addressed to you, hoping you’d read it and see it. Reach out. I even used to text your mom, my ‘aunt’ in hopes to reconnect. I used to have hope for that. Twenty some odd years of hope. Then I gave up. So, I’ll redact your name, and leave this here. 

We were once like twins. Inseparable. We share a bloodline and we used to know each other better than we knew ourselves. I’m not entitled to your life, I know that people change. We were kids and life circumstances forced us apart. But I still hope that one day it won’t hurt to hear your name, or to know you have a family of your own now. That I won’t freak out when your mom sends us photos of us as babies… I don’t know why it still fucks me up. Maybe because it was you, and then her and then everything feels like I’ll lose my brother again. Every breath feels like I did something wrong as a kid. To make everyone, lose the people I loved most. 

Again, I don’t know why I’m bothering writing this…I guess I just want it somewhere, that I miss you. Maybe if I screamed your name into the void long enough I’d hear my name back? I lost my brother. We were best friends. I thought we were and I know we were kids, we couldn’t control our family shit but we’re grown man… but that’s neither here nor there. I mean I don’t expect any of us to try and build on something so broken… I just have to get it off my chest.

Sincerely, Hails.